Canada – Amber Hasan

Amber Writings, Canada, Children, Desi, Family, Lifestyle, Pakistan, Thoughts

8 Things Pakistani-Canadians Need To Stop Doing

August 5, 2016 3 Comments

Note: I had great feedback from hundreds of people. Thanks for liking. I have edited and added few points that a lot of you thought should be a part of this. Happy reading!

Okay so I had been busy, like really busy. There was Ramadan, and then summer holidays. So I am just running, running around them, running after them, running for them. And then few things happened, one after the other. So compelling that I had to write about it and about what I felt.

Why I have specially mentioned Canada? Because Canadians are the most kind and friendly people I have ever met. They give you smiles, confidence, ways and rights. If you can’t be good here, then you can not be good any where. Why did I specifically mentioned Pakistanis? Because I am a proud Pakistani and I want my people to be known for their good manners and deeds. Everything starts from within!

1- Acknowledge The Good

Stepping in a mall, a store, a bank, you would definitely come across people who would open and hold doors for you, who would pull things out of your way even if it does not belong to them, who would watch out for your children as you put them back in your car, who would pick up after you in the cashier’s lane when your little one keeps throwing random stuff down and who would call you dirty-faced, crying toddler cute and “oh don’t worry about it”. Learn to say thank you, out loud. We are not entitled to it. I know how my own Pakistani people would react to a veiled woman entering a upscale store in Karachi with a crying toddler. So how these Canadians treat us with respect and dignity should not be taken for granted. They let us wear our veils, they let us pray in public, they let us in their workplaces, they let us have and exercise all our rights and more than we actually can imagine even in our own country. The least we can do is show our gratitude so they continue to do so.

2- Stop Touching

Okay I get it; back in Pakistan we used to shake hands and hug anyone we met and pat shoulders and those flying “muah” in the air and God knows what else and what more. I get it. But this is Canada. Culturally, traditionally, morally much advanced and yet everyone has and needs and wants his/her own space. And we teach our children about good and bad touch, which basically means any touch without their own permission. And still just this past weekend, I was with number 1, number 2 and number 3, and this woman passed by with her teenager and touched number 2’s hair and felt them and shook them, all while passing by in a Walmart isle, talking in the air how lovely these hair are. I mean seriously??? We gotta stop touching. Right now, like right now!

3- Mind That Karhaai

I am a foodie. And I am a Desi foodie. Which basically means I love Haleem and Biryani and Karhaai and Halwa puri and everything else. Which also means I know how much effort is out in, in preparing one such dish. Which also basically means that I am aware of the tempting aroma of our food. Which in reality might not be as tempting for that guy standing next to you in the library or the other woman at the school bus stop or any one else. Be aware of the smell that lives in our clothes. I know there is nothing much one can do about it but at least one can try a change of clothes before stepping out in the middle of frying that onion or perhaps a spray or two of a perfume for the more busy ones.

4- Stop Giving Free Advice

We are responsible for what we do, we are not responsible for what A, B or C is doing/does. And by ‘we’ I meant the people who live in the same household as mine, and that too the little people, not adults. Yes our values from back home, do give us the right to perhaps talk or guide even the adults in some cases, still we can not impose our likes and dislikes on anyone. Free advise comes naturally and effortlessly for us but remember we are in Canada now so try to control.

5- Stop Saying Bad Things About Pakistan

Oh God someone stop me please.

Okay I get it. Perhaps you worked very hard and did not visit any place in Pakistan except for Hyderabad where you lived and applied for immigration and landed in Canada. Or perhaps you got lucky and got married to a Canadian-Pakistani. Whatever the reason, now you are a Canadian, in Canada with a blue passport on the way or in your drawer. That does not in any way gives you the liberty to badmouth the land which actually provided you the opportunity to start in the first place. No other people, no Indians, Sri Lankans, Morrocans, Nigerians, Syrians, Japanese, Chinese, Filipinos, Dutch, Polish, English or any other ones ever say bad things about their own countries, not even the ones who fled from war zones.

I personally know people, which is usually a seven out of ten people, who perhaps have only seen Toronto after Karachi or Lahore and yet they have the audacity to tell me how corrupt Pakistanis are or how unsafe Lahore is or how dirty Karachi is. While they have lived their entire filthy lives in some unnamed neighbourhoods in Pakistan, but since now they are all ‘Goras’ so they can point out the garbage. I just have one thing to say that my Ammi used to say “Jo apni maa ka nahi, wuh kisi ka nahi” (One who does not love his mother, can not love any one else)

6- And Stop Saying Bad Things About Canada

No one forced you to migrate to Canada. You came out of your own free will. You have a world class lifestyle here that is hard to match even if you live a simple life. Air conditioning, heating, clean water, health care and education are provided to you as necessities and not luxuries, and that too of high standard. Yes you pay taxes, but trust me that one trip to the hospital in case of an emergency covers all those taxes. Yes you might not have a maid here and yes I also miss Pakistan but learn to be grateful for all the freedom, independence and respect Canada has given you.

7- Stop Being Judgemental

That girl wearing hijab coming out of the liquor store may not be there to get liquor. That girl with your neighbour’s son might not be his girlfriend but his colleague. Your new friend might not be a slut for hanging out in a club. And even all this that you assumed may be true, what matters more is not what he/she wears or does or goes to, but how he/she treats you and others. So the next time you are in a group of friends or just at the grocery store, try to judge less. You never know whats going on in somebody’s life. Also teach your kids the same. We live in a multicultural society and you and the children should be mentally and psychologically prepared to see very many different types of people who are just as normal as you and I.

8- Stop Littering

If you attended any school in Pakistan at all, you must have been taught “Cleanliness is next to Godliness”. I wonder if we only kept it to text books. The Pakistani Consulate in Toronto is an example of what I mean. Why are we so so so dirty? Why can’t we at least keep our surroundings clean? Why can we not clean after ourselves in malls, parks, grocery stores? We live here, our children do and yet we never miss a single chance to mess things up, be it paper, kleenex, wipes, diapers or paan spits or even throwing garbage “in” the Niagara Falls (Personal accounts of friends)… SMH!

Amber Writings, Canada, Children, Desi, Family, Lifestyle, parenting, Psychology, Thoughts

How to stay ‘sober’ yet happy, without shopping

April 6, 2016 No Comments

Let me start by a confession: I LOVE SHOPPING….. AND I HAVEN’T SHOPPED IN TWO YEARS!!!!

I love shoes, jewellery, dresses, lipsticks, lamps, glasses, dessert platters, plants. I am an impulsive shopper, which means I shop ‘just because’, not out of need. If I walk inside a store and I see something yellow, I would just pick it up and put it in my cart because I love yellow colour. I just can’t resist things I love!

But people do change (or so they think).

The first time I travelled to Pakistan after a gap of about 6 years, I had 6 allowed bags and 2 extra. One of my bags only had shoes; mine, number 1 and number 2’s.

Only a week after I landed in Karachi, I had realized it was a mistake, as for the rest of the duration of my stay, I only wore my Nike flip flop, which was not only comfortable but also the best defence against sweltering temperatures. My sister as usual had issues with me not wearing my branded, colourful heaps of jewellery and shoes, for she was afraid of me being judged (again) by family and relatives but I reminded her my name and she did get used to me wearing those flip flops with each and every, almost every outfit.

Number 1 & number 2 did get some chance to use their summer dresses well, but again accessories and shoes were only adding to their discomfort, being it their first summer in reality.

When I got back to Canada, there were couple weeks, rather months in between, where I lost track of new and old stuff. I had been preparing for this trip for months and then of course I bought and got stuff in Pakistan too. Hence at times, I would find out brand new stuff, with the labels on, buried deep inside the closet, running a size or two short for number 2, or number 1.

So it was around the beginning of 2014, when I decided I am not shopping. Yes I know it sounds weird, and unbelievable. But imagine the height of my frustration for taking such a big decision, for those who know me, know that shopping is one therapy I love and how fond I am of pretty little stuff and trinkets. BUT i decided nevertheless.

There was no deadline, no plan. I just decided I will not shop until all the current stuff in number 1 & number 2’s closet runs short and mine is all used, at least once.

What followed next were a few months of serious and severe depression, glum and binge eating. Of course this was my mind and body’s defines against this “stupid” decision I had taken.

I would just break the continuity here and share a funny habit. Long time ago, I developed this habit out of need. I would go to the mall, pick up all the stuff I liked, take it all to the fitting room, try it on, and then pick a handful out of those piles that I loved. It is the perfect ‘Dopamine fix‘ for me that not only helped satisfy my craving for all that colour, glitz and style but also cool it down.

Sorry… back to where I was….

For past almost two years, every time I browsed through Zara.com, I would add stuff to my shopping cart and at the end would click every item, zoom in and try to find a similar item in my closet. And every time I did find one, so I would remove that item from my basket and end up with nothing, and a reminder that I have that blue top with the bull head or that long lost turquoise flats that I had almost forgotten.

It was and is not about money, but trust me when I say it; the feeling of peace when you actually take the worn out or old stuff out of closet, when you actually find space, when you feel it organized, when you can put a new outfit together without spending money using the same stuff from the back of the closet that you did not know existed. And this is something big, this means ALOT coming out of this horse’ mouth.

I did not buy a single piece of clothing, any thing for home, any utensils, just nothing. I just kept removing the chipped plates, the ripped clothes, the clothes that kids grew out of. For their pre-loved clothes, I know this super amazing place ‘Weecycled’ where I give their clothes when they grow out of it. They are a consignment based store in Brampton, and carry pre loved clothes and toys as well as new stuff. I have been dealing with them for about 6 years now and am super happy. I know I could give the same clothes to someone in the family or friends and I did try it. Turns out they took the clothes too, and later whined and complained they were not good ‘enough’ so they threw them. Okay…. Alright…. I get it….. So I decided to divide the clothes. One portion I give to donation, the other to Weecycled, and few I keep for memories. Yeh that’s me!

And I did not break my fast, for about two years. No clothes, no shoes, nothing at all. Almost two years for number 1 & number 2 since they badly needed winter clothes for school, and more than two years for myself. I satisfied my cravings by browsing online stores, adding items to my cart, and then analyzing if where would it be used. I love dresses on my little ones, but I specifically asked myself where and how they will wear it since the snow pants make it almost impossible to wear dresses in winter so that leaves only spring/summer. It helped me great deal to put in perspective the need.

And then came this spring. I opened the closet. Clean, spacious, welcoming. It felt so good. Today was the last basket of clothes that I will be dropping off at Weecycled. After this I would need new clothes, and that still depends.

I myself am still fasting. I am using my existing wardrobe, trying to innovate and restructure my stuff in new ways every time and I must say I am loving it. I also realized how much junk I have been carrying all these years, while I only use two pair of jeans and 4 tops on a regular basis. Rest is all the impulse!

I also remember last year when I visited my favourite clothing store in Karachi, they had these new short kurtas on display and while I was checking those, one of the sales staff came to me and mentioned “You don’t need these; you bought all these last time and they have just been shortened in length but all the same”

That was some sincere and honest opinion I loved. I mean one more reason for me to stand firm on my decision. Also my sister and sister in law have been tempting me for past so many months, sending me pictures of branded replicas that would cost less than half the price of the original one. Yet, I stood firm and am still standing firm!

As for the children, trust me it don’t matter to them. As a matter of fact they loved the idea of no shopping and getting money for their clothes so they try to keep their stuff stain free so they get more coins in their coin box.

There is nothing wrong with being smart. Nothing wrong in teaching kids to be smart. Perhaps we just need to try it. And definitely if I can stay sober and sane, so can you!

Canada, Desi, Eid, Family, Festival, Islam, Pakistan, Religion, World

Of Hilals and sightings

July 17, 2015 No Comments

I just read on Facebook: Quote: “It is haraam to fast on Eid, yet half of the Muslims are fasting today. It is a major sin to leave a Farz Roza(fast) and yet half of the Muslims are celebrating Eid. Who is answerable for this?”

Ramadan this year started without much of a confusion. Muslims all over the world generally observed 1st Ramadan on June 17th. Even my neighbours who are from Middle East and usually follow festivals as per back home, were pleasantly surprised that Pakistanis, Indians, Arabs and Muslims in general in the neighbourhood were celebrating Ramadan together which is very rare.

Last night was the 29th of Ramadan and about 80% people were sure that 1st Shawwal would fall on Friday July 17th and Eid ul Fitr would be celebrated.

However, about 15 minutes after Iftaar, Hilal Committee of Toronto announced that there was no sighting of moon and hence we shall have 30 blessed days of Ramadan and Eid would be on Saturday July 18th.

I was surprised, yet happy and satisfied. There is no point in celebrating Eid or any festival just because people back home are celebrating it. Called a couple of relatives, informed them and the feeling was mutual.

And there was this chaos on Facebook, Twitter, Whatsapp. Women telling each other on groups that they are wrong. Endless fights. Then someone tweeted from Hilal Committee’s Twitter handle after midnight that they are reverting their decision and Eid shall be Friday July 17th.

CKGFk4aVEAAbZBW — Courtesy: Naheed Mustafa

Few minutes later they tweeted that the account was hacked by someone and the tweet was falsely sent. and that there is no change in decision. While Social Media was abuzz with people posting news of moon sightings in Edmonton and California and hence emphasizing that Eid should be on Friday, some parts of USA including Houston, Miami, Newyork, Philadelphia were already preparing for Eid on Friday as for them it was decided from about a month before.

I wonder why there has to be so much division on such a small issue. Isn’t Eid supposed to be a blessing from Allah SWT for the faithful after fasting for 30 days. Why can’t here be unity? Why can’t ISNA and HSCNA and all the big wigs get together and find a solution for this?

And imagine the sorry state of affairs when I visited ISNA website just moments earlier, the main banner wished Eid Mubarak, while the date mentioned it was still 30th Ramadan. Sigh!

I am no scholar; just an ordinary Muslim who does not want to be divided in two parts because half of the family is celebrating Eid one day and the other half on the other. I do not have the knowledge to decide which Masjid is right and which distance parameters does my residence fall in. I, as a Muslim follower, do put my faith in these scholars and they can’t just get away with decisions just so it is easy to book the halls for Eid prayers in advance or because the other group follows some other school of thought.

Time has moved, advanced. Let us not give others any chance to ridicule us. Eid is Allah’s blessing. Let it be that!

Baking, Canada, Children, Desi, Family, Food

O Canada

July 1, 2015 No Comments

Last night as I prepared these red velvet cupcakes, the girls asked if they could watch O’Canada on YouTube. I put it on, and guess what? I got the same goosebumps; just like the ones that I always get when the national anthem of Pakistan is played. Does that mean I am Canadian now? Does that mean the new bill C-24 poses no threat to me? Does that mean my vacation travels and tax information would not be shared? Oh well, lets not talk about all that at least today. Happy Canada Day

May our maple syrup gets sweeter (and pure), may our Tim Hortons gets stronger, may our poutine get richer, may our oil sands remain oilier, may our moose remain loved, may our winters grow shorter, may our summers are happier(and affordable), may our sports get some attention by the rulers and not by selling mittens, may the diversity continues to grow, may the tolerance becomes equal for every one-Amen!

Pakistan, Thoughts, World

Do not fear Allah(SWT)

January 7, 2015 2 Comments

Once again, the same old rants of mine….

First its about the weather, and trust me when I say it…. This morning it felt like part of some post-apocalyptic, dark cold corner of the planet, typical Hollywood movie style, bitter cold, blowing snow, less people, more clothes(No rags though)

Today is the coldest day of the winter so far, with temperatures as low as -18 or -20 in some regions, and feeling like -30 to -35. God Almighty help us as January has just begun. February please do not be harsh and mean on us. May all of us and our loved ones stay protected and safe.

And now what actually prompted me to scribble these lines…. I am part of these amazing women, or say Muslim women groups on Facebook. You want to find a good cleaning lady, a carpenter, you want to know the best eateries in town, you want to talk about your health issues, seek guidance for education or want to know how to potty train your toddler; you’d find instant help, contacts, remedies, guidance- you name it!

BUT there is no such thing as free lunch and so even this one comes with a price tag that says “Being judged”

As Muslim immigrants, we are always trying to settle ourselves in the West, trying to balance our traditions and values with the fast paced life. Thanks to Canada and its beautiful people, I feel accepted, my beliefs respected, my values appreciated. And let me tell you: Canada is the most multicultural place Ive seen.

But there is some degree of intolerance that I still feel. No, not from the people of West, but mostly those from my own country, or from those who share the same beliefs as mine.

I post a question and I get stomped by judgmental comments, I post a note and get hurled by insults and what is all so NOT right in what I wrote, and how angry I made Allah (SWT) by writing or asking something or how I disrespected my own country of birth or how for goodness’ sake I do not deserve to live in Canada. My fellow women, my fellow Muslim women, my fellow Pakistani Muslim women? Seriously? You think scaring me from the wrath of Allah(SWT) would do any good? You think advising me on how to raise children when I only quote a 5 year old’s innocent dialogue would do any good? You think bashing, bickering and ridiculing me and many like myself on what we eat, wear, watch, buy, talk would do you or anyone else, any good?

Take a deep breathe ladies; inhale and exhale. You’re not the godsend Messiah!

I always encourage and try to find facts about what we do in our day to day life. It is my responsibility to share something good or knowledgeable. But if I share that having Iced Cappuccino from Tim Hortons is okay for me, despite the fact that it carries nth of alcohol as part of the vanilla flavoring, why would you label me Kaafir? Or if I share an event that I am planning at Moxie’s, why would you call it Haraam (Forbidden)? Who gave you the license to judge me? To label me? To ridicule my choices?

This is not the Islam I know. The Islam I know is the religion of love. You do not need fear and threats to spread it. If so, then what is the difference between you and those relentless creatures who killed innocent school children in the name of religion in Peshawar or who shot 12 innocent people dead this morning in Paris? If they are terrorists, so are you.

I came across this beautiful post by Brother Omar Suleiman and I think it perfectly relates.

Teach yourself first and then you children; Do not fear Allah(SWT) to be close to Him; love Him and He will be closer than you can imagine!

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